Splendeliscious

Well look at that! Day number three and post number two...who knew? Haha, that rhymes...shit, maybe I've been reading too much Shel Silverstein. What a great dude he was. A literary genius. Literally! I would have love to have met him and understood what went through his head when he wrote his amazing books of poetry. Well, besides mary j. and coke that is. A very brilliant man, none the less. I'll have to add him to my list of dead people I would like to have met. Actually, he is the first person to make the list. I always used to just pull some random person outta my ass whenever I was asked that question. Now I have an answer! Its kind of like when someone asks me what my favorite book is. Yes, I read books. However, over my college career I probably only read 5 books out of leisure. The rest of the books I read (or rather skimmed) were for academic purposes. Mix minimal book reading with very bad memory and you have me. A person who has read many good and memory worthy books but cannot remember anything about them. For example, the other day I was having a conversation with some people (as normally happens, usually within my own head but sometimes with real people) and the book 1984 came up. Now, I remember back in high school I read a book similar to 1984 that I really liked, but it was not actually 1984, but I decided to stick with the fact that it was 1984 that I had read because I could not remember anything about the book. However, then another person mentioned the book Brave New World and I realized that I had actually read Brave New World but not 1984 but I could still not remember a single thing about either book. Why was I telling you this story?

Shit, now see? I don't even know where I was going with that whole 1984/Brave New World thing. And this happens often throughout my day. I forget what my point is in conversations and story's I tell in everyday life. It's quite rough to be me and forget shit like this all the time. I blame it on the fact that I am easily distracted by things that go on around me...perhaps an undiagnosed case of ADHD. Riddlin totally would have come in handy during college. I would have had a lot more spending money.

ANYWAYSSSSSS. I created a new blog post for a purpose and now I can't remember what it is (surprised?). Think...think think think. Haha, its like in the Winnie the Pooh movie when Pooh is trying to figure out where he can get honey because he is out of honey and then realizes he can just go "borrow" some from Rabbit. Hahaha. Now see, thats crazy! I can remember shit like that but nothing to do with the task at hand.

AH YES! Got it! So, step one of how to be happy (or step two if you count "unimportant thoughts"): Don't make yourself vulnerable. Now, the background story as to why I this is the first (or second) step of being happy is not necessary for you to hear. Just know that it is uncomfortable and bothersome and involved me putting myself in, well, a vulnerable position. But you see, when you do that, you rest all your ability to act and fend for yourself on the decision of another person. And who knows what the hell that person (or persons) has in mind. And when you're like me and you take things personally, it becomes really easy to be that vulnerable person that gets hurt all the time. I like to believe that all people are inherently good, but that is what put me in this position in the first place. While I still inevitably (and genetically) view all people as inherently good, I have adopted a deep sarcasm to protect myself. So it follows that step two of how to be happy (or step three...once again depending on how you look at it) is: be sarcastic. For example: "Not the brightest crayon in the box now are we?" (I get that one a lot) or "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth." Or, for a live example, re read this blog. More examples are welcome in the comments section. See, I bet you feel better already. In fact, I do too. So thank you, anonymous reader, for being an albeit free source of therapy for me in a rough time. Though this doesn't stop the fact that today I did put myself in a vulnerable position and because of it I missed out on other events that could have been a lot of fun.

To make a long story short, don't be vulnerable, be sarcastic. It will save you a lot of emotional turmoil and make you appear less like a looser. Also, don't ever blog. No one will ever read it. And if they do, they won't care about it. And if they care, well, they will only pity you which means they judged you which just leaves you out in a worse place then when you started.

Well, its getting late. And for your benefit, anonymous reader, I am going to avoid the truth and tell you that I feel better now after writing this post (and I avoid the truth because I don't believe in lying...honesty truly is a virtue. Don't live by my example). I hope my unimportant thoughts entertained you because they were meant to. I leave you with this quote from a very deep and meaningful movie that changed me life:

"You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!"

Thank you, writers of The Hangover, for doing to me what no body else did. When I figure out what that is, I'll let you know. And to you, anonymous reader, well, that quote was for you. I considered myself to be a loner but now I have you, a member of my wolf pack. Just by reading this blog you have entered my world and made yourself a member. But sorry, unlike The Hangover, membership is not free (nor does it require you to slice open your hand...). Your must pay the relatively low fee of $19.95/month. But that's not all I get! You also include a bottle of tequila with your check or money order. That you for understanding my entertainment is not free and that I have an important livelihood to uphold. All questions can be directed to my non existent 800 number. Have a splendeliscious day.